Family Constellation Work uncovers and releases unconscious ancestral entanglements to intergenerational suffering in our family soul. My unique style of working brings forward complete ancestral soul transformation by working on 6 main Movements of the Family Soul including The Orders of Love, The Big/Little dynamic, Interrupted Reaching Out, Seeing and Being Seen, Victim/Perpetrator/Rescuer and Life’s Embrace.
In this blog I’ll talk about movement 5: Victim / Perpetrator /Rescuer. This dynamic can show up in many ways including emotional distress, trauma, bullying, auto-immune conditions, financial stress, conflict in relationships, abuse, and chronic illness. I’ll cover the ancestral archetypes associated with this dynamic including liberation, safety, power and service. I’ll guide you in healing this pattern by bringing each element into balance with the others to become aligned with health, happiness, truth and abundance in all forms while releasing conflict, distress, and separation.
You can also experience a guided meditation to help bring equilibrium and harmony to your ancestral victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic to activate peace, calm, happiness, empowerment and self-love.
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Unconscious ancestral dynamics play a big part in our experiences and expressions of life. Intergenerational suffering gets passed down through ancestral lineages along with our genetics. We hold onto these ancestral patterns in an effort to heal the lives of our family members by attempting to take on their pain.
These ancestral entanglements are deeply embedded in our unconscious mind. This part of our mind does not have the capacity to realise that there is nothing we can do today to make the lives better of those who lived a hundred years or more ago.
Take a moment to bring this fact into your conscious awareness. The burden you are re-living to be loyal to your ancestors will only bring more suffering, not healing. As we become aware of loyalties to the family’s pain it creates the opportunity to release them with conscious intention.
In order to fully do this we must acknowledge that our ancestral entanglements stem from a survival instinct linked to our belonging to the collective family energy called the Family Soul. A deep sense of guilt often arises as we begin to separate from the suffering and step into our full potential.
Who am I to have the life I want when my family is suffering?
This is the part of us that is driven by misdirected love. The love that is shown through sitting in pain with others. When these unconscious ancestral entanglements get activated we can get stuck in a whirlpool of pain that is very difficult to get out of.
This is where the power of Family Constellation work comes in. It is one of the most deeply transformational therapeutic modalities I’ve ever come across and is an essential part of anyone’s personal growth journey. The work allows us to bring wholeness to the Family Soul, in a way that allows for the family pain to be healed and the flow of life’s abundance to be available to all family members. Full inclusion of all family members allows for the sense of collective belonging to become a certainty so that we no longer need to seek it by sharing in the family pain.
I’ve developed a unique style of working with Family Constellations called Movements of the Family Soul that brings forward a level of inclusion, balance, harmony and abundance through a complete soul transformation. There are 6 main movements to the Family Soul, and in the previous 2 blogs I’ve covered 4 of these including the Orders of Love, Big /Little Dynamic, Interrupted Reach Out, and Seeing and Being Seen.
The next Movement of the Family Soul is the Victim/Perpetrator/ Rescuer Dynamic which is associated with the ancestral archetypes of liberation, safety, power and service. The shadow characteristics of this archetype can manifest in ways including anger, anxiety, depression, violence, abuse, trauma and chronic illness.
Healing this pattern involves bringing each element into balance with the others to form a harmonious triad with the victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic that allows us to step out of the shadow expressions and into the illuminated ones. From this place, we are available to create our experience of life that is aligned with peace, health, happiness, truth and empowerment.
Given world history, the victim/perpetrator/rescuer ancestral pattern is present in most people’s lives. And it is one that as a facilitator I work with very carefully, since the collective density of this pattern can quickly overwhelm. The idea of healing this is to restore a harmonious balance between the three aspects so that unity, honour and peace are achieved.
It’s important to note that the victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic archetypes always exist together. We may identify with one more than the others but when one is present all are.
For example, the victim archetype is the ‘poor me’ kind of character who feels they are under attack or that the world is out to get them. This can create experiences in life such as being bullied, having a chronic illness or feeling anxiety. A limiting belief associated with this character can be the world is not a safe place for me. The inner perpetrator aspect of the victim archetype would be self-criticism. The inner rescuer would be overgiving to others at the cost of themselves.
The character who runs the perpetrator aspect more predominantly would be those with anger issues, and need to dominate, control, bullying or abuse others. The inner victim running for them can be that they feel like a victim themselves, resulting in their aggressive behaviours or the remorse of hurting others when they lash out. The inner rescuer aspects will run as the apologetic abuser who promises it will never happen again and is on their best behaviour to rescue their relationship. The beliefs associated with this character are My rules for me, my rules for the world. I must dominate others to be safe. My anger is my power.
The rescuer character will be the person who gives to others but at the cost of themselves. Their receiving channels are generally blocked so they repurpose that energy to give. Their happiness is co-dependent on making others happy. They will be the voice for those who have no voice. Their inner perpetrator is not taking care of themselves or resenting others for not reciprocating their level of giving. Their inner victim will feel taken advantage of and used. Their predominant limiting belief is that they are not good enough so must overgive to compensate.
You can become aware of which character in the victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic you run most predominantly by observing your actions, behaviours and thoughts when you are stressed or run down. Do you feel the heavy emotions of the victim or dissolve into a tantrum of tears? Do you feel and express the rage of the perpetrator? Or can you not say no to someone asking for your help even though your own tank is empty, which is the rescuer’s dilemma.
One way to manage these archetypes is to recognize your behaviours associated with your favourite part and when they arise take this as a signal to up your self-care. Prioritise your sleep, clean up your diet, make sure you stay hydrated, meditate or do yoga, or if needed take time off to recover.
When strong victim/perpetrator/rescuer ancestral entanglements are present, it is necessary to work the orders of love and big/little dynamic to release the ancestral entanglements by including all members of the family soul in their appropriate place generationally. The past generations are the big ones, the current ones the little ones, so restoring your appropriate littleness in relation to the generations that came before you will release the hold this strong ancestral pattern can have on behaviours, beliefs and experiences in life.
Take a moment to reflect on the victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic. Acknowledge these aspects of yourself without judgment, criticism or dislike. When we reject any aspect of ourselves we cannot embody ourselves or our truth fully. Include these elements in a loving way. This helps release their hold on your unconscious ancestral patterning.
We all have our shadow sides, these are part of our existence. Accepting this can create an ally with these undesirable aspects. So that when they appear you can appreciate their message that it is time to de-stress, rest, laugh, have fun, take a break and activate a healthy lifestyle. This brings gratitude and compassion for your least favorite aspects of yourself which will elevate your experience of self-love.
The next step in healing this pattern is to recognize each of these aspects of your persona is on the same team. TEAM YOU. This is important to activate the unity and harmony needed to heal this pattern. Simply include them in your awareness, without thought. Hold them in your heart with unconditional love like you would a misbehaving child. Knowing your love goes deeper than the expression of their actions.
See them as parts of you who are all functioning for your greatest good. Invite them to work together instead of separately or at odds with each other. Ensure them they can do more to serve their divine purpose together, in harmony and equanimity.
Give it time. Be gentle with yourself. Befriend these aspects so that you can operate from a more reasonable and balanced place in life.
Loving your shadow will allow the light to shine through and the illuminated aspects of these archetypes to become available. These include the ability to set firm and loving boundaries, the sense of safety in all situations, feeling grounded and connected to your power, liberation from drama and trauma, and the ability to serve yourself first to better serve others.
The empowering beliefs associated with the illuminated ancestral archetypes of the victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic are: I am safe, empowered and free to fully express who I am. I am loved, loving and loveable. I am in tune with my needs. I have a strong mind-body connection that supports and cares for me. I can connect with others in a safe and harmonious way. I love and respect all aspects of myself. I am free from having to be perfect. I can serve myself and others in a healthy and boundaried way. Life can be peaceful, joyous and nourishing.
Now let’s do a guided meditation to help release any victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic ancestral entanglements that may be present in your system to activate peace, calm, happiness, empowerment and self-love. You can also listen to this guided meditation on the companion podcast.
Find a comfortable and quiet location.
Relax and focus on the breath.
Call your intention to mind that you would like to heal today.
Drop into your heart with that healing intention as you feel yourself relax more deeply as the breath continues to flow easily.
Visualise in front of you the 3 characters of the victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic.
If you feel emotional charge place a thick piece of glass between you and them. One that allows you to see them and speak to them but they cannot make contact with you. You are safe and secure.
To your left, visualize your parents standing side by side. Father on the left, mother on the right. Behind them visualize 8 generations back on each line feminine and masculine for each of your parent’s lines. Meet the gaze of these 8 generations back ancestors. The biggest in the field holding the source of ancestral strength.
Turn to face your parents and ancestors, if you aren’t already.
Acknowledge your place within your system by saying to them: “This is my place”. Allow them to acknowledge this statement as they speak these words: “We are the big ones, you are the little one, leave the pain with us, it is none of your business.”
Acknowledge this statement as you bow your head towards them to honour their bigness as you settle into your appropriate littleness.
Notice any sensations you may have as you do this. You may feel tingling or lightness or heat as the ancestral entanglements begin to lift from your spirit soul.
Stay in the bow as long as you need, or take several bows until you feel stillness. Clear your mind and sense the sacred healing taking place.
Thank your ancestors on your left for their support as you turn forward to the victim/perpetrator/rescuer characters. Speak these words to them:
“We are all of the same soul”
“I see you and thank you for your service”
“Thank you for trying to keep me safe and belonging.”
Notice what you notice.
With any emotions or disturbances that arise turn to your left and take another bow to your ancestors.
Let your gaze travel across the ancestors 8 generations back, standing in the back row. As you meet their gaze, one at a time, hear their words “It’s nice to see you” as you allow yourself to be seen.
Notice what you notice here. You may feel a deeper sense of grounding, empowerment and peace.
Now turn your attention to your right and create the characteristics of life you want to experience. Health, happiness, abundance, balance, harmony, and love. Add as many traits as you would like. This is the future life you want to create.
Step into that experience as if you have already been experiencing it for some time now. Resonate and radiate the characteristics you named. What does full health feel like? Where in your body do you feel happiness? What are the sensations associated with having abundance? Soak in these beautiful vibrations. Anchor this state in by calling to mind a word, mantra or image. Each time you call up this image you will be able to fully load up the experience of life you want to create. This opens up the co-creative channels of the universe to manifest your heart’s desires.
Coming back to your present-day self, with your ancestors supporting you to your left, your life shining brightly to your right. Face the characters of the victim/perpetrator/rescuer. Observe from a distance the healing effect you are bringing through for them.
Visualise each character coming into energetic equanimity. As they agree to work together for the greater purpose which is you, your peace and happiness.
Watch as they join together and transform in harmonious unity to become one illuminated energy. Hear them speak these words to you:
“We are now aligned to support you in receiving divine liberation, eternal safety, personal empowerment and service”
Welcome this into your heart as you feel the support of your ancestors filling in behind you.
Now reach for life from a place of support on all levels of being.
Welcome in the embrace of everything you would like to manifest.
Allow gratitude, compassion and peace to flow through and around you as you take a moment to sense into this new way of being.
Take a few breaths here as you begin to return to this present moment.
Slowly begin to move your body and open your eyes when you are ready.
Note your sensations as you continue forward from a place of peace, calm and joy.
Next week I’ll round out the 6 Movements of the Family Soul to talk about Life’s Embrace.
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